some of my poems to start off the group.......
Through out my years I've come to fear
My destruction through my madness
My emotions which cause me to scream
My heart which causes me to bleed
Changes, Gods I fear these changes
These surroundings I've come to know
I see for what they are now:
Bitter, harsh, No good LIES!
I am weakened by a disease
I can not name
I'm scarred By a knife that was given
I'm bruised by thoughts that are
sometimes to extreme
I reach a hand up hoping to grasp
that light that I could never and still can not see
Gods grant me the serenity to accept the
things I was never meant to see...
Failure, It hurts me, Haunts me
I am alone this time
I am facing my fears alone this time
I pounding my head against a brick wall alone
WHY MUST EVERYONE BE SO FAR AWAY?
So far away...
This world is so far away...
So distant from me...
My thoughts scare me
My insanity scares me
My heart cries for me
Depression sinks in no matter how hard I fight
I fear how it's going to end
Though recovered I fight temptations to smoke, to cut, to scream
Still I won't reject that drink
I feel pathetic and weak
What little will strives with-in
is slowly being burnt and torn..
I feel pathetic and weak
So scared.....I hate admitting my fears...
I Have strength and love
for so few.
The man that betrayed me is
coming for me.
He wants to kill me.....
Dig into me....
I lay on my back,
Waiting for him to come.
Waiting for that ice cold touch
and embrace that I fear but desire.
My wrists are bleeding from the bounds that hold me....
My heart heart is beating rapidly causing my body to shake....
I know he is almost here,
I can feel his breath....
Tears flow from me
Yet my I still fail to feel
I know what is coming,
I know what to expect...
I hear his footsteps
I can hear his breatheing
through the door...
scared but alone, scared but alone.
Little boy this is an adults game you so wanted to play.
The door opens
he sees me lying on that bed
Naked-just as he left me
He comes to me
eyes glazed over from some unknown drug
Breath reaks of alcohol
He laughs as he so bluntly touched my cheek
stroked my hair
Ignored my wounds-always ignored my wounds.
He laid beside me....
I held my breath.....
I knew it would be over quick......
and I find myself pacing the floor
looking for a clue
a shread of dignity-or is this what I lost on those
nights of cold solace and masturbation
I inhale, slowly, then faster
feeling my heart rise to a pounding thunder
This is not the end
not a begining
only somewhere faintly inbetween
hidden in cum stained sheets and a dirty laundry pile that for some reason still remains uncleaned
I try to rememeber how this all started
or if it'll ever end
I try to find reason among something that
I know damn well carries no reason
I am not alone
nor am I imprisoned
But I am searching
behind my scars
there has to be another meaning.......